I´m in a kind of hopeless predicament:
Two years ago I started this so-called blog. During this time, I have toiled enormously, investing all my knowledge and skills, trying to bring about another “breath” of newness. I wanted to create a forum for dialogue, a place for meaningful exchange and interaction. For the time being, I am face to face with the realization that my belief to create a new context of unbiased openness and honesty, is but a childish dream.
I seem to have failed in my pursuit. I no longer see any point in continuing with Mirrors of Encounters.
It is impossible to go on with something that is not appropriately understood and reciprocated. It is like spreading precious water in the sand.
It seems that for the time being, the only one I should give things to, is myself. People sneak into my posts but don´t really get what I write about. If they did, more force and enthusiasm would come back to me. But it doesn´t. I kind of conjure up only my energy and wisdom to find myself kind of drained after. IT IS NOT RIGHT TO GIVE WITHOUT ENDORSEMENT.
It feels that I cannot continue spreading this valuable information for free. It is strange, but unless people pay for something, they don´t evaluate it. No matter that whatever I write about is said by Krishnamurti or others who “understood”, I DON´T FEEL HEARD.
Indeed, if what I write about would have been said by Jesus or Tolle or whoever,
you would probably believe it.
But since I am (only) Julien Matei, it is not thoroughly convincing.
Anyhow, I can take this solitude, but after writing and giving my all in these posts here I kind of feel even more “lonely”, yes, a sort of unpleasant solitude. Really, without any real feedback you cannot possibly continue.
People claim they want to change, prosper and heal. Reality is that most of us like things the way they are. This is a rather sad truth, but it has to be said:
There is no one to blame, this world looks the way it does cause – let´s face it! - WE SECRETLY LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE. THIS WORLD IS THE SUM OF WHO WE ARE JUST NOW. A sum of our fears, cowardice and lack of real expression. Nothing more or less.
People indulge in their sloth, love their failing, love conflicts, love their disease, suffering seems to be their main motivation. Whatever other things they say about Peace, Real Success, Togetherness, is but pure literature. Fiction. Childhood stories to appear interesting and make a nice impression and have something to talk about.
Really, despite my love to write and sharing, I am facing a hard decision…
To continue writing here, or not…
